Shaky foundation

Listening to: Tonex (gospel station on yahoo launchcast)
Location: at work
Mood: reflecting….

Everything in life has some sort of foundation. At least everything stable has a foundation. Houses, Cars, Computers, Make-Up…..RELATIONSHIPS! If the foundation is weak the rest of it will be faulty also. I say this to say that I’ve found that my previous relationships (not just romantic, but friendships as well) have all stood up to that policy. When you have a friendship/relationship with a STRONG foundation it weathers ALL storms. I got only a handful of friends who I can say stood the test of time – my cousin Ebony probably being the one who stands out amongst them all. We’ve been friends since I was in 3rd grade. Believe that we have had our “outs” and we’ve had growing pains. As adults although both of our lives have deviated from the paths we took together, we can always come back to what we once had. I have realized in the 29th year of my birth, that friendships are SO important. Its one thing to know they are important it’s another to KNOW they are important and to cherish what you have, show appreciation and do what you can. Make sacrifices for people who would without quorum make those same sacrifices. It’s not to say do things for people and expect anything in return. We do what we want to do. But we also do things to show appreciation. Does that make sense? Normally Imma love me or leave me alone type of person.  I love with my whole heart but in the same breath I have/had a tendency to see how this situation will benefit me and treat it accordingly. I’ll walk away from a relationship with the quickness. I think I’ve taken a few of my friends/relationships for granted with this attitude. TODAY IS A NEW DAY. I started it by telling my cousin I love her. I do. I appreciate her heart – it loves unconditionally. That’s a true friend.

this is ebony below


  

This brings me to the abrupt end of my dating my friend from Baltimore. Things fall apart. What more can I say. It seems as tho’ he says one thing (I won’t beg you to be with me) but then says another (but I don’t see why we can’t work this out). I wasted 12 years of my life putting faith in someone who I thought was on the same page with me. Someone who I thought shared the same convictions the same beliefs someone who I thought was built for me.  In thinking about it now, our foundation was faulty….and such things do, fall apart.

I implore you, if you cherish a relationship, a friendship, something that you have taken for granted make sure that you show your appreciation. It doesn’t mean shower someone with gifts just let them know how important they are. Send them an e-greeting or a hallmark card, make them gifts from hand if you want, write them a poem, or sing them a song. DO SOMETHING!! Look at your relationships – do they have a strong foundation? If not – they will soon fall….sometimes things must be destroyed in order to rebuild them…..with that said look at yourself (as I have been taking inventory myself) destroy the things of you that are not positive, uplift, not Christ-like, and rebuild a stronger foundation….its never too late…

With that I say

ASHE

Be blessed.

Shai


Feed me the breadth of knowledge of the WORD
And I shall grow full, never to hunger for or need anything more

"You do You and I'll do Me" - Sunshine Anderson

I've been MIA....took a part time job at nights so its like where's the time
listening to: the new music I got from my cousin Ebony
location: at work
mood: chill

I don't have much to say today - I'm doing me
single sexy and free - AGAIN - but its all good
Went out wit my best friend Tony on Friday....we had a decent evening
see pic below



its Monday - what more can we say?
Hopefully I'll be able to post now once a week on either Saturday or Sunday...
what's really good with folks - if ya reading this drop me an email or post a comment. . ....

Distractions distract from the Actions you lack to move on with. . .

listening to: Taralyn Ramsey Fan Station on Yahoo Launchcast
location: at work (shhh don't tell ne one)
mood: content

as I have become older I have noticed a lot of different things about my personality. Its interesting as I "get to know myself" that I am able to share my lil "quirks" with other people.  I feel like I’m growing into my beauty . . . does that sound funny? Hopefully I’ll take some pictures soon to share…

any who so I’ve been in constant search the past 3 weeks or so for a distraction. My current situation has gone from good to bad, and so I needed something to get my mind off that. Needless to say I had a distraction call me up on Thursday! Yea!! In retrospect, although this distractions is helping me keep my mind off the craziness of my pseudo-relationship, its also keeping me from handling that situation and being done with it.. .

anyways… off to the weekend

We are not meant to be alone

I think that sometimes we create ideas, theories, and hypothesis to make ourselves feel better about our situation. I had a thought bubble last night on my way home from work. In speaking with a few of my girlfriends from college, high school, co-workers and such most of us Women have the same desire; to find the “one” to marry, to have children, etc.  Many of us say that these things are not what define us and we do not need them to be whole. But as I was thinking about it, I beg to differ. We do need companionship to be whole.  I often rationalize the male/female ratio to why everyone doesn’t marry or have a significant other. (Again a theory as to the why’s) I have decided today – to stop questioning that. I know my value and my worth – it is not in my time when I will marry and have children (is that another theory I hear?).  At any rate, my theory is that we, women were created from the rib of man, as such Men are missing something important within themselves…women. I think when a man finds a woman who completes him on all levels he has then found his rib. We are puzzle pieces that alone are obscure but together create a picture worth staring at.  With all that said, I believe that we (humankind) are not meant to be alone. I cannot fathom that our Creator would create us in him image and then expect us to live a life of a recluse.  I do not think or at least I do not theorize that means everyone will marry, but I do not think everyone is meant to live their lives without a companion of some sort. Okay – I think I’m rambling or sumfin perhaps I should have written this yesterday when I had this wonderous thought bubble. . .

~shai~

My Mother In the Mirror

Saturday my sista roller set my hair. I should have taken some pictures because of course I slept on it and squished one side so its not as CUTE as it was Saturday. At anyrate, I looked in the mirror and I saw my Mother. Now normally I'd be sicken at that thought. Its not that I don't love my Mother. I love her dearly. If it hadn't be for her and GOD and yeah my dad I wouldn't be here. But when I looked in the mirror I remember when I was seven years old. I remember my Mother wearing her hair similar to this. I remember the shine in her eyes and her bright warm smile. My Mother and I have had a strained relationship for years. I don't think I can remember a time after I got my first menstrual cycle that we ever got along. When my parents divorced its got worse. I think constantly I fought with my Mother mentally because of my parents split. I, the self-proclaimed "Daddy's Girl" blamed her for everything. Once the split was permanent I looked at the way she handled her relationships there after, I swore to myself I would NEVER be like my Mother. NEVER, ever. What's the phrase, "never say never"? Well that couldn't be further from the truth. Because I have embodied so many of my Mother's characteristics and behaviors I am almost ashamed to admit them. Its weird how we can acknowledge the cycle and the desire to break it, yet we roll on anyway. So These thoughts and/or revelations that I have been having not only about my Mother but about my Mother's side of the family in general, have given me a new appreciation for them. The women on my Mother's side of the family - all single - all previously married are strong. A strength I probably never really noticed as child or a teenager. We place so much emphasis on having men in our lives (we as women) that I think we lose our own strength in that. My Mother and her sisters, although I'm sure they all want Cinderella happiness and glory they; Dawn, Colleen, and Evelyn, are beautiful, smart, and strong w/o it. So I pledge to carry on the strength of the Charity women along with the Charisma of the Cotman family(my father's ppl) with hopes that the cycle that's been created - these single strong women w/o men to head the homes to be broken with myself, Lisa, Lenora, Melissa, and Arese. I love my Mother and my Aunties very much. I hope that I can be just as half as strong as they are and when I do have children that I can teach them to be just as strong as me. I know the importance of family, the importance of the trinity in the home God, Husband & Wife. My parents raised me well, mind you I didn't have a story book life by far - but there's no need to complain for had it not been for the struggles that lead me here, God where would I be? I thank God for the struggles, the pain, the heartbreak, the times when we were on gov't assistance, the times when I had no mode of transportation, the times when my love and trust were taken for granted, the times when I had no friends to support me, I thank him for all those things and those I didn't mention because as I said before they shaped and molded me into who I am now. Daughter, Sister, Niece, Aunt, Cousin, & Friend. Thank God for my Mother because I am her and she is me....

~shai~

Up Against All Odds

listening to: he can't love you - Jagged Edge
location: at work (shhhh don't tell anyone)
mood: Happy

So I am listening to yahoo launchcast and up against all odds by Tarralyn Ramsey come on. I LOVE THAT SONG! It makes me look back on my life and think about the decisions I have made that led me here. I dont regret ANYTHING. At least that is the revelation that has hit me today. (sidenote: I spoke to u know who online today but didnt have it in me to say much more) Im sure if you asked me anytime before now and Id probably regret many things. But no sense in rehashing the past, what will that do for my future? Knowing my past and learning from that is one thing but to live there would be a waste of time and energy. With all that bunch of nothing said, I say this Thank God I have my memory and a few pictures to help me treasure my happy times and my not so happy times. This is the only life I have as Tabatha Ann CXXXXX, in my next life I may be a monkey flinging poo at the Bronx Zoo. So Im just going to live.

Lets talk about these people in NaLeans. WOW. Its sad to see all this going on. I wish I could do something other than give money. I want to help clean up and rebuild and restore. See this is the time when hitting the lottery would come in handy for me. Then I wouldnt have to work and I could be a philanthropist. The price of gas is ridiculous too, but who doesnt already know that?! I just sit back and look in amazement. Ive looked for alternative ways to work and havent found any so far outside of biking or walking. But I live cross de riva. . . I cant see myself biking or walking over a bridge seems a bit frightful. I know that doesnt make sense because I drive my car over it. But Im clumsy I may trip over my feel and fall over the rail or lose control over the bike and get hit by on coming motorist. Ive applied for a night job at a local banking institution so hopefully Ill be getting that job and making some extra peanuts to put towards my petrol.

Oooh Emotional by Carl Thomas just came on. BOY O BOY. They are JAMMIN on launchcast today I SWEAR.

I really dont have too much more to write today. Things in my world are beautiful. Im not saying my life is in no way shape or form perfect. But something changed or happened to me in June which just made me a different person. Mind you Im still moody and spoiled but I dont complain as much, I dont worry as much, its just this unfailing light thats growing inside me lately I like it. . . its kinda warm and fuzzy and tastes like a mimosa from the Sheraton Sunday brunch. *giggle*

Hopefully Ill have time tomorrow to write in the blog at the normal blog time. If not this extra blogging fill the criteria as my three times a week critieria.

up against all odds, we were going up against all odds, trusting and believing in the miracle of love - Tarralyn Ramsey

~shai~