Is there something in the water?

as you see this beautiful picture of black love, set in what I think is the Harlem Renny time, you think - what's in the water. (sidenote: I have been slackin on my journals because I've been working like a slave) I have several thoughts for my various blogs but have yet to expound on them. So I will start with this one...

is it JUST ME or is there something in the water? Seem like since my x-finance (spelled it that way on purpose) and I broke up it seems like every MAN I meet almost immediately begins to talk about marriage and a future. Although this is exactly what I want, it is spooky that these men are so easily and readily discussing the facts. I entertain them slightly but give most of them no real thought. I figure this is "game" as I approach the age of 30, the tatics of men change. So I must arm myself accordingly. *Wonder Woman bangles - ching - ching *

I learn so much more about myself as each year passes.
I wonder tho' when will WE (every living person) learn who they are be happy with that and thrive? *sigh* back to the topic at hand...

Most of these men look at me cross-eyed when I don't gush over their suggesting marriage to me. I know I'm marriage material I don't need them telling me that, they should have SEEN that years ago (can we say 2002? 2003?) SO no I will not JUMP at their suggestion even if it is complete with enough bling to blind me. I don't like the thought that I am a grudge holder, but SERVES 'EM RIGHT!! They have lived thier life the way they want - spent thier 20's chasing skirts, bearing children with various women, and breakin' hearts - and NOW wanna settle down. . .ahaha!! Needless to say the pool of eligible women, are either gay, dead, or in jail (lol - I shouldn't be laughing at this but ummm Lamar Hill has a poem that says this very same statement, yall should peep him) NE who - so it seems that the Men in the year of 2005 are doing a lil role changing and they are having a hard time finding a good woman..... hey we are not missing, we are just NOT readily available. (am I venting and rambling? prolly but its my blog!!!)

my suggestion to these men who are drinking this marriage inspired water...

1) strengthen your spiritual relationship
2) strengthen your mental
3) practice patience
4) bring more to the table than your good looks, good d!ck, and bad @$$ kids!
5) don't think you are the BEST she can do, know that you are blessed to have possibly found your "rib"(
6) build a friendship first (I can't say this enough)

So to those fellas who have come at me with the "marriage" game spewing out of their pie holds: although marriage is one of the destinations I plan to go to in life, my boarding pass right now is for loving me, cherishing me, and learning me!!
Yall may wanna get some Figi bottled water since its what Diddy drinks and he's not married yet.

I don't have all the answers, but I'm working on it!

~Shai

TAB.....

That is what they call me!

Conversations about

Yesterday a friend of mine I used to date was talking to me about the Tyra Banks show and how she dressed up as a 350 lbs woman and went on two blind dates.  To show how people treat overweight/large/obese folks. I didn’t see this episode, tho’ I tried to look it up online (I didn’t try that hard I was half sleep when I got off work)

He then commenced to ask me did I ever feel uncomfortable because of my size or if he had ever made me feel uncomfortable about it. Yanno that was the FIRST time we ever talked about it. Although I’ve been obvious a big girl for quite sometime; we never really talked about it…it sparked some thoughts tho. Just about my life growing up and my confidence. I started rambling on and on about how I dealt with being bigger as a teenager and young adult.

I really had sumfin I wanted to say about this topic – but I am so phreakin’ sleepy damn damn damn my part-time job…but yea’ when I get my check – I’ll be dancing like James Brown I got 15 hours already and its not even a week yet….

Back to my rant about being full-figured; I know it’s something that used to bother me greatly as a teenager. My Mom could always tell when I had a new crush – I’d be up extra early working out with, what is that ladies name? She’s always smiling and ish with blonde hair – dang it I am mad I can’t remember anyways…My Dad had some discouraging names he would call me – yanno back then folks thought they teased you enough you’d change….that works for some ppl and for others it doesn’t I guess. Being full-figured is just one aspect of who I am…through it all I am still loved and I am still blessed. Goal One is just to be healthy.  (DENISE AUSTIN!! That’s her name!!) I mean if we all were the same weight, height, shape – we’d be really BORING.  While we are on this topic – Saturday I was admiring myself in the mirror – I LOVE ME – I feel like I am getting more fabulous with age. I can’t explain it – its like I’m growing into my beauty (I am sure I’ve said this before it feels familiar) but that’s how I’ve been feeling… oh yea’ its interesting how the entire time we’ve been talking 8 years to date, we’ve never really talked about that – and it actually makes me smile to think that my radiant personality and beautiful smile kept that from being a topic – I mean it was so unimportant compared to the rest of me…*hehehe* oh yea I have another topic I need to hit this week too. . . but maybe I’ll put that on my yahoo blog…



Wasn’t it Eleanor Roosevelt who said, ”No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

So I haven’t been giving any consent out in the past and don’t plan on giving any out in the future – LOVE ME DAMMIT!!!

~Shai

Reason Season Lifetime

Reason, Season, Lifetime

I haven’t been ignoring my blog on purpose
I’ve been working hard and really haven’t had anything of “substance” or “interest” atleast to me to say. Lately tho’ I have been thinking about the whole people in your life for a reason thang…thinking about the people who have a daily affect on me. In some ways I have been waiting on God to remove some folks from my life. I guess he’s waitin on me to act like I want them removed…who knows…I am in the shut down mode (as usual for the cold months) where I limited my local social activities. It’s my cyclical season I suppose.  I just get this way from time to time….

I guess I’ll have more to write later…

love shai – the recluse