Friday, April 14, 2006

Good Friday


just decided to write sumfin for GP
I have nothing to say really
I'm happy its friday - 5 more days until my 30th!

I'm semi-excited
Happy to be turning 30, noticing how much I've matured of the last year alone is incredible. How well I know myself - its almost mind boggling. Sometimes we have our own ideas of who we are and what we project to people - and most of the time those ideas are WRONG WRONG WRONG and sometimes we have to step back and really look in the mirror - even at the things we'd rather not see - - I love it. 30 is going to be a good year for me....

My cousin and my two sistas (from MBC) will be lunching with me on that day at a chinese restaraunt that I chose - hope they like it, the weekend me and my Man (i hate that phrase my Man, I don't like the term "friend" either because it sounds like demotion, and boyfriend is hate - - but what do I call him?!? perhaps within the next year there will be a title that will STICK) anyways we are suppose to be doing something my birthday weekend - not sure what yet prayerfully it will not be some extreme sport - bungee cording or sumfin crazy like that...

I post this picture of Jill Scott because 1) she's an Arian like myself 2) she's a poetess like myself and 3) to be she is the epitome of grace and beauty a true woman. I aspire to exemplify those attributes to young women.

Yes my 30's will be the year of selfless giving. . .

Shai

Sunday, April 02, 2006

for the time being this is untitled....

I apologized
Profusely
Still you refused to believe me
So
truth be told
I lied
I did mean what I said
Every individual word as I replayed them in my head
I re-read that last email
Where I spoke from my heart
No fluffy sugar coated antidotes to make you feel
More comfortable
I spoke
Seriously without thinking of you
Only focusing on me
But still
I apologized
Because truth be told
I didn’t say those things to hurt you
didn’t write those things to break you down
or make you feel less than a man
I spoke freely to free me of any deception
That could possibly hinder our relation
still
You took each verb personally leaving me to apologize
For the truth
To swish around each sentence
To make sure there was no bitterness
Or after taste
After each hoop I jumped through
Seemed like nothing could soothe you
Like promiscuous lovers
Waiting on the test results
I counted each day
Searched your disposition for some sort of
Inkling some way to let me know
What the day will bring
Still
Nothing
So I say fuck it
I’ll just ask you
Will TOday be the day
That the truth
sets me free?

Bull Sh!T

I'm just typing
because I haven't been blogging here lately and I just wanted to put something here...

I have been thinking about my writing
or lack there of
I've tried to start working on new stuff.. . . but inspiration is fleeting...

at any rate

I LOVE ME!

do you love you?

~Shai