Crossing Over

I’ve been seeking my virginity
have you seen her?
she’s been
hiding from me
during my search
I reminisce about her and those times before
when I didn’t know what I know
when the flesh
couldn’t test my weakness
those days before
mini skirts and no panties
before
midnight episodes in the back
Of his Cutlass Supreme
before
french kisses
between classes
hidden monkey bites behind turtleneck sweaters
I’ve been looking
for my innocence yet
I lost she
at the pivotal age of 17
on full mattress and box spring
he bed me
King
wed me
teenaged bride
I cried
"no"
I cried
"stop"
but
he didn’t hear me
just continued to push into my soul
until it ripped and gave in
tore into my world until it let go and gave in
I
gave
in
and gave
way
un
willingly
tiptoed slow
alone
into womanhood
newfound feelings, desires, clouded my mind
and stature
no longer a child who dreamed big
I became a woman who loved hard
but only with the tangible
because
touch equals charity
and
all we truly ever want
is a little charity
unconditionally
given with
with no strings attached
I reminisce

I
didn’t fight back

I
should have fought back

I’m
looking for my virginity

have you seen her?