Last Blog of 2005

So one of my friends on yahoo posted a re-cap of his year and shouted out folks important to him or people who had a direct influence on his year the way it started or ended.  That I will not do here but I do want to reflect on the year 2005 what it was and was not….

2005 I was supposed to be married. . .I’m not

2005 I was supposed to have purchased my first home. . . I still live in an apartment.

2005 I was supposed to be tithing fully 10%. . . I still only give 5% or less – I can’t believe I can’t give 10 cents…DANG!!!

2005 I was supposed to be more organized. . . .I’m not as organized as I like to be but I’m getting there..

What was good about 05? My ex and I broke up and I’ve written enough poems between February and August that I can do another book if I want to. I’ve made some REAL good connects, met some WONDEFUL and intelligent people, I’ve seen what real friends are made up of, I’ve finally realized what Pastor meant when he said that the closer you get to God that farther away from worldly people you become, I LOVE MYSELF EVEN MORE (is that possible?), I am a HATER (so at least I can admit it), I can truly be a trifling @$$ b*tch at times, I’ve learned so much about myself and how I relate to other people, you can find love after a BIG heartache, TRUST – empowers you to be the best you you can be in a relationship, the INTERNET is NOT the place go to and make friends (tho’ I already knew this I’ve seen some people get their feelings hurt real quick from ‘net’ friends, I don’t play well in the sandbox, I influence more people than I every imagined…..and lastly…..

I forgive those who have ever hurt me in the past and I am moving on in 2006 wiser, older, and more motivated for self-preservation!!!


~Shai, undoubtedly the flyest sista you’ll EVER meet and I mean fly on SO many levels!

*muah* Happy New Year!!

E'rythang ain't meant for E'rrybody

have you ever noticed that when somethings become "in" style e'ryone and they grandma wanna do it....well GUESS WHAT? E'rythang ain't meant for E'rrybody!!! Everyone can't be a photojournalist - cuz you gotta a digital camera and photoshop, e'ryone can't be a music producer because you got music software on your computer and a casio, e'rryone can't be a rapper cuz they make words rhyme - Dr. Suess could make words rhyme and he ended up being a novelist(lol I said Dr. Suess is a novelist), e'rryone can't be a model cuz they Mama think they pretty and they show mo'skins than sunday night football, e'rryone can't be a hairstylist cuz they can throw in a pony tail - that's why they got school for ish like that, e'ryone can't be a make up artist cuz they can buy sinful cosmetics from the local Asian beauty supply store and try to make it look like MAC "booo it ain't MAC and you look like HOMEY the clown", and LASTLY for my rant this evening.....

EVERYONE CANNOT BE A POET JUST BECAUSE THEY THINK THAT THEY ARE ON ANOTHER LEVEL – OR THAT THEY CAN MAKE WORDS RHYME – OR USE THE SAME TIRED METAPHORS – OR THINK THEY ARE ON A SOME REVOLUTIONARY TIP BECAUSE THEY STOPPED GETTING RELAXERS DRINK GREEN TEA AND SMOKE BIDI’S

i will not profess to be the best
i will confess that i take what i do seriously
i've been writing poetry since 1987 and i know i'm gifted
not to sound conceited or full of it - i know this this is one of my GIVEN talents...so it just offends me when regular folk try to call themselves "poets" and actually expect people to take them seriously....

sidenote: in a previous blog on yahoo I mentioned having a motto for 2006. Well I already have TWO that I'm considering...but I truly believe I'm goin to have to have a new motto each quarter because some folks *smh* need to learn...

i will say this for 2006

"I WILL NO LONGER BITE MY TONGUE, THAT SH!T HURTS"

Shai

Happy Holidays

Tho' I'm not much for the holidays, I went over my best friends house over the weekend and he snapped this photo - hope everyone have a safe Christmas, Hannakauh, Kwanzaa and a prosperous New Year!!!

baby powder

I embrace the unfamiliar like community liquor
shared over abandoned fire dwellings in creaky wooden shacks overlooking the James
left reality at the bottom on cognac bottles
fed my depression spirits that
kept my body warm on cold winter nights
this
is where I found you
meandering amidst the unknowns
casually as if you belonged
everyone there was Neil Armstrong’d in some form or another

visibly inebriated my soul recognized you instantly
no matter what the voices in my head told me
i followed you
down hallways
through the dining room
to the desolate presence of what could have been a living room
but nothing
was living
here
where lost souls convene for survival
here
where the stench of hopelessness grew thick as the hours pass
here
where the reality of our last days are more apparent
than anything Nostradamus ever predicted
here
at the resurrection of the great city known as Babylon

we all have drank from her cup
lost touch with the outside world
grasp at lies to make ourselves feel whole
without acknowledging life
embrace the unfamiliar
like community liquor
making it easier to swallow being a vagrant wandering
easier to deal with the sting of the alcohol than the overwhelming truth
that we
are ALL phucked up
yet
you found me
staring  with eyes like your father
twinkling with life I see my smile on your face
feel the tears that clean my dirt-strewn skin

i know you
are a apart of my hallucinate visions
but I need to see you
feel your touch
smell your hair
hear you speak my name in hushed tone voice

“Mama. . .”

i muffle my emotions when you tell me your brother
sends his love
he
would have been three
no matter how high I am medically
nothing is more sobering that dealing with the reality that
i chose to become executioner to the life that grew inside me
violated my body with pills, powder, liquor and smoke
choked the very blessing
i prayed for daily
never realizing it was through you i would be forgiven
it was through you my transgressions made clean
through you
my second chance to live would be reborn
instead i chose death
conveniently packaged for the living
a mindless escape
hoping
to find
eternity.

GOOD Chi

If you have ever read any books about Feng Shui then you would know that the ancient order of placement is all about good chi.
I’m so for GOOOD CHI, oooh chile I ain’t had no good chi in a long time. You know Big Momma, kept some good chi….

But let’s be real for a moment, I believe in the order of placement. I think that how things are situated around you have a lot to do with your mood or chi.  I think the same about the placement of people around you.  Think about you it when you go to a Drs. office and there are several patience already in the waiting area, how do you decide where you will sit. You decide what chair would be most comfortable, are you close to the magazines you will be flipping through while you wait, and who would you rather sit near. Proper placement. Being comfortable is important in life to most folks…but as I think about it. Being uncomfortable is probably the best motivator there is as we constantly seek comfort; in various people/things.

When I am at my part-time job (I work for a banking institution at night, encoding checks and deposit slips and such) I have a lot of time to think. Last night I was thinking about a myriad of things, more specifically about my life the things I have done and haven’t. I was thinking, I am dayum near 30, I do not own a home I should have paid for my car twice by now, just different things like that. There are so many things that I have a talent/skill/nack for but I am not using any of things for the betterment of my life.  

So with all those things said, I am organizing my thoughts and through proper placement of all the important nouns (people, places, & things) I will be doing the things I need to do to get what I want.

In those efforts, I anticipate gaining some strong powerful chi, that will not the block off some of yall sour puss folk that be sulking around me – skat back now – shooo, good and hot chi coming through….

~Shai “the chi-licious one”

in the darkness of the night

the moon lays peacefully on the cusp of the morning

basking in its glow

rest doesn’t come easy

I think about you

Imagining my hands being your hands

Exploring localities deemed as taboo

Seeking treasures buried

Waiting to be uncovered

I take myself there

Wishing that it was you

Drifting to sleep slowly hoping to catch you in the honey pot

So I can taste each drop on your fingertips

I find brief moments of satisfaction

only leading to a stronger desire for passion sought

but at least for now

I can sleep

Guarding buried treasure

Until you can come

Discover

me