baby powder

I embrace the unfamiliar like community liquor
shared over abandoned fire dwellings in creaky wooden shacks overlooking the James
left reality at the bottom on cognac bottles
fed my depression spirits that
kept my body warm on cold winter nights
this
is where I found you
meandering amidst the unknowns
casually as if you belonged
everyone there was Neil Armstrong’d in some form or another

visibly inebriated my soul recognized you instantly
no matter what the voices in my head told me
i followed you
down hallways
through the dining room
to the desolate presence of what could have been a living room
but nothing
was living
here
where lost souls convene for survival
here
where the stench of hopelessness grew thick as the hours pass
here
where the reality of our last days are more apparent
than anything Nostradamus ever predicted
here
at the resurrection of the great city known as Babylon

we all have drank from her cup
lost touch with the outside world
grasp at lies to make ourselves feel whole
without acknowledging life
embrace the unfamiliar
like community liquor
making it easier to swallow being a vagrant wandering
easier to deal with the sting of the alcohol than the overwhelming truth
that we
are ALL phucked up
yet
you found me
staring  with eyes like your father
twinkling with life I see my smile on your face
feel the tears that clean my dirt-strewn skin

i know you
are a apart of my hallucinate visions
but I need to see you
feel your touch
smell your hair
hear you speak my name in hushed tone voice

“Mama. . .”

i muffle my emotions when you tell me your brother
sends his love
he
would have been three
no matter how high I am medically
nothing is more sobering that dealing with the reality that
i chose to become executioner to the life that grew inside me
violated my body with pills, powder, liquor and smoke
choked the very blessing
i prayed for daily
never realizing it was through you i would be forgiven
it was through you my transgressions made clean
through you
my second chance to live would be reborn
instead i chose death
conveniently packaged for the living
a mindless escape
hoping
to find
eternity.