Spiritual visits

Good Morning!!

I'm feeling rather peaceful this morning - Thank ya Lawd!
I just wanted to share something I wrote last night. Its a lil abstract, well atleast
I don't think the average person would be able to "feel" it but hey that's just me.

NE who this morning while I was combing my hair, the spirit laid on my heart "just listen" so today and the rest of the weekend or until I feel something else I'm going to try to listen and be still. . .

here is the piece I wrote last night. . . love ya!

Insanity lay waiting for me to break
Truth is my life looms in the balance
Yet his voice quieted the aching in my soul
How easily it could be
For me to stop breathing

He
Was
Home

I tried to escape the reality
That he is me
Instead I basked in his radiance
Allowed his pure brilliance to warm what was
Once so cold

He
Was
Home

I prayed for clarity
beseeched the creator
sacrificed my physical body daily
anything
is worth the truth
what I needed to know
I already knew

He
Was
Home

veracity sought though
I never wanted to acknowledge
Scared to death
That the path I was meant to walk
Lay before me
Bold and
unapologetically
It was then
in my 29th year of my birth
That I had lost much
But that was nothing compared to what I had gained
Wandering vagrant was I

Until
He
and now
Home

Clothed in my right mind
Perfect peace thatÂ’s inexplicable
It was obviously undeniable
Bewildered eyes searched my being for answers
Yet I had given up that search
Months before

Grandmother bit the apple
Mother digested it
And it has since passed
So IÂ’m oblivious to my nakedness
And if you ask me now IÂ’d never be able to explain
How it all went down
How I stood
Mind flooded with thoughts of suicide
No reasons to see tomorrow
Lack luster in my eyes
Where once distant stars inhabited
Glow removed from the cheeks
That once held smiles up with strength immeasurable
How I stood
With my life
Looming in the balance
Until HE welcomed me
Home.

slacking already

it hasn't been a month and I'm already slacking on my journaling or blogging or whatever you want to call it.

I haven't been doing any serious or thought proking things as of late. Working on my business plan as I try to do what I started to back in 2002. Which was you may ask? Promote my craft. which is you may ask? POETRY what else? (have you even been reading before today?) I know that my talent is God-given, it clearly would bbe RUDE not to use what God gave me not only for the betterment of his people but to show praise! can I get an AMEN and a Hallelujah?

if you didn't know before now I'm still a baby in Christ and my walk isn't where it should be, I'll be the first to admit. But I know it will get there. . . the more I put into it the more will pour out to me. Faith without works is dead!! (James 2:17)

Today I was talking to my cousin and I had a brain fart. I wondered, why do we use masucline terms/phrases when making references to strength and femenine phrases when in reference to weakness? For the life of me I dont' understand. This past week my cousin has been using the phrase "man up" and I had in turn adopted the phrase as my own. . .until today. The new phrase for strength will be "E up" which means Estrogren up. . .yeah yeah yeah its not that creative - BUT still one small step (yes I'm an idiot but you will not hear me scream GIRLPOWER! unless its in some way, shape, or form is funny)

those are my random acts of thinking for today ...

joyful, joyful

Good Afternoon!!!!
I have been having a great day all day today.
I’ve been full of joy and vigor and positive energy.
I almost would say I don’t understand it. But I fully understand it when the Holy Spirit washes down on you like a gentle rain you can’t help but be full of joy.
I lead prayer today during our prayer circle at work, another wonderful experience.
I know as I grow in my walk public prayer will be easier for me. I sometimes feel like I don’t know what to say. I just say whatever is laid upon my heart and keep it moving.
I don’t like the idea of prayer being full of regurgitation of the bible. It’s okay quoting scripture to remind God of his promises but also, praise should be included. At any rate, I just feel real good today- I wanna relish that! Perhaps I’ll write more later. . . .I still haven’t revised that piece yet. Trying to get organized and refocus!!! ASHE!!!

Monday, beginning of the workweek but not the beginning of the week!

Good Morning!
Today is a new day. Church yesterday was marvelous. I was supposed to go to church in Charles City with my cousin. However my friend called me and said he wanted to go. So I opted to go to St. Paul’s instead. The service was awesome, as usual – and I was blessed to be able to receive the message. A couple sat next to us, they seemed very happy to be in service. I interacted with the young lady to my left quite a bit during service, sharing my pen with her, talking to her during call and response, even hugging her at the end of service. Her presence alone made my spiritual experience so much of a blessing. When we were leaving – it was funny, that couple had parked beside us. Talk about God at work. I love it when it’s obvious he’s working with us, in us, and through us.

Whooo!

He is working on me daily. I love this feeling. I love that I’m coming to know who I am and who God intends for me to be. I still haven’t finished revising my last poem, I started over the weekend but lost focus; perhaps tonight I can go back at it. There’s so much on my plate right now, I am beginning to think my eyes are bigger than my stomach. I know that I can handle it; I just need to find focus. I wonder how other people focus. What is their driving spirit; especially successful people. What makes them keep going despite the obstacles, despite the lack of support (financially and emotionally). I have a spirit of determination, this I know. Just turning it on is that problem. I need to find an outlet to plug it into is all. ASHE! That’s it for now, Giving God all the glory this Monday morning!! Hallelujah!

Professions echoed

he said that I "brandishes myself with hate, which prevents me from loving someone" damn that's deep. It was the first time someone has told me about myself in a way that I didn't have any type of response. It touched me deep inside. But he's right that I have been running from real feelings - I have been yearning to prevent myself from feeling because I'm tired. *sigh* how do I find myself in these type of situations. . . .i'm PMSing as well and am full of all these emotions between anger, sadness, and delirium. . . ahhh the joys of womanhood! I pray that I will be able to love someone again, without the paranoia that trust is going to be an issue always. . .dang didn't I say my next post was going to be positive? I'm positive that I need to go to bed!!!

some people wonder why I am the "estranged" daughter

SO, I wake up this morning to a lovely soggy morning. I am SOOOO tired that I drag my butt into work 1/2 hour or so late - Oops, only to be greeted by a co-worker who says, the system is down for about an hour. Okay cool, gives me time to get situated - its is now 1:30 in the afternoon - the system is still down and we are instructed to "look busy" great! Well my brother's wife calls to ask me about when I'm going to have my nephews this month. Mind you I called plenty of months ago, atleast 2 if not 3 and said exactly what weekend I wanted to have them. I had also talked to my father on atleast 3 if not 4 separate occassions telling him exactly WHEN I was going to have them. SO now - it seems my father and his "wife" will have my nephews during the week that I had already planned to have them. No big deal really - just the PRINCIPLE of the thing. Yanno its funny I'm 29 years old; my parents have been divorced for 14 years; and I'm still annoyed with my Father's wife. Mind you I'm not stark raving mad - cuz hey no sense in it - just annoyed how they just "bully" themselves around. Now watch when I have children - they will have NOTHING to do with them. . ..okay so maybe I'm pouting for nothing - I don't care!!

Haven't written NE thing new lately however I do have a piece I need to work on called She a Capulet, He a Montague; I'll post that as soon as I'm happy with it.

I wonder - am I suppose to like put alllll my personal journal type stuff here or just rant and rave on various stuff. I guess since this is MY blog spot I can do whatever da world I want to. . .

my next post will be positive and calm - I meant it. . .

Day One

I created this web log because well. . .just so.
My friend Nita encouraged me, and I figured this would be a good
journaling spot and place for me to put my poetical-ness.
Yes I make up words. . .well this is good for today.