Content with who I am

music: new Vivian Green CD
location: at the hizzle (at home)
mood: happy

Today was a MONDAY typical in that I got up to go to work and came home. These last past eight months have been - different for the lack of a better word. I've been engaged, single, and spoken for all in the course of these eight months. I've been completely alcohol free to stumbling down the stairs of a local club to fall into the arms of a chocolate teddy bear. I've been homey in sweats with my hair all over the place - I've been glammed up and definitely the one who stood out in a crowd of my peers. My heart has been warm with love like hot apple pie from Grandma's kitchen and colder than ice pops in Alaska only eager to feed my own wants, needs, and desires. Here I find myself back where I started from loving freely, wildly, and openly. I like this side of me. I love giving of myself until there is almost nothing left. Why? I have no clue but its who I am. I'd like to swim in this feeling, secure, safe, confident, knowing. . .questions. Am I perfect? No. Do I have it all together? No. More importantly do I love myself? YES. Do I have goals? YES. Am I focused - well I am a lil hazy but its all goooooood.
My friend Slim and I are doing well - AGAIN back where I wanted us to be from the beginning gushy with love and fresh with thoughts of tomorrow.
I've been reading the Video Vixen book. I swore I would NOT buy this book and add to this woman's wealth - cuz I'M BROKE and her she gets MORE money for telling people how many folk she slept with. Now I am going to be honest - my heart goes out to her for having such a hard life. My life was no where near as HARD as hers. I can't judge her because I've done some things I am not too PROUD of but I dunno I hope this book helps young girls in the same circumstance make better decisions. I'll let ya know what I really think when I am finished reading the book.
I took a mile walk today - only 15 mins and I actually sweated - boooo at me. Although I've always been a big gurl - I've normally been in "shape" for the most part. Meaning I had stamina and was active - in my 'old age' I have just dwiddled down to a couch potatoe!! OH NO! I will be 30 next year and I anticipate being back down to the size I was when I started college. Not that it was a svelte size or anything its much smaller than I am now. I just want to be healthy - I love being lovably big and always sexy even in my goofiness and silliness I've held some type of appeal. I can't explain it. But what I will call it is the Cotman Charm - because I swear its hereditary. My Grandfather, My Father, My Aunts, My Brother, My Cousin, Joi and wow ME!! Anyway I'm rambling now. . . . there's the update - I'm happy today and thankful for what I've been given...