small sacrifices for the greater good

listening: Be Happy - Mary J Blige (our fave)
location: I think I should just not include this anymore I'm always home
mood: peace, surprisingly


"...even though I wasn’t there to hold your hand
or take your love from her
still
I remained an issue
Constantly served on the same plate along with previous females
who shared intimate moments with you..." - excerpt from Shai's Quietness

so its Wednesday since its 12 sumfin in the morning. I just finished writing something real real personal. So I'm trying to decide if that's what my blog should be about today or not. But I guess I already made that decision by quoting the poem and the title. So how should I put this. . . I don't know. Once upon a time a girl met a boy - she fell in love wit him and he her. Eventually they realized that although their love was strong it wasn't strong enough to extend over the distance they were apart as they both NEEDED physical affection along with mental/emotional. Other changes came into play. She(meaning I) tried to hate him but it didn't work. She put on a real good front for everyone - even for him at times. But it was constantly knocked down by the fact that their bond was spiritual. SO NOW - he has a "friend" whom isn't too keen no our friendship because of our past history. I understand how she feels - hell if I was her I'd feel the same way. So he and I are on hiatus as far as our friendship is concerned. That troubles me because I have finally been able to come to grips with our friendship and the lines and boundaries that should be placed there. Finally I am able to be HIS FRIEND and not get my feelings hurt at the mere thought of him going on with his life. FINALLY. Let's EXHALE for me please - - ahhhhhh. But now, now he had to make the decision - keep our friendship intact or work on building with a woman who could very well share his last name in the future. . . alas I feel like the white dude at the 68 Olympics - there in the picture but completely oblivious to the history being made. . . I digress. So now as I read over this and think. . . I thank GOD for the strides I've made with that. I never thought I'd be able to be his friend his true friend...not someone harboring feelings and living each day with ulterior motives (did I spell that right?) THANK YOU JESUS for setting me FREE!!

if anyone wants to see or hear the entire poem - hit me up with an email and I'll bless you wit that...

always learning and growing
the muse formerly known as Shai